← Blog  ·  Friendship & Social Skills  ·  By Cara Zelas

What to Do When Your Child Is Being Left Out or Bullied: A Parent's Guide

How to help children ages 3–7 navigate friendship difficulties, exclusion, and bullying, with practical advice from an early childhood educator and Montessori teacher.

"Nobody wanted to play with me today."

It's a sentence that can break a parent's heart.

Perhaps your child tells you that nobody would sit beside them at lunch. Or that the other children ran away when they tried to join a game. Maybe they've stopped wanting to go to school, and you're not quite sure why.

Your instinct might be to pick up the phone, call the teacher, or march straight into the playground and sort things out yourself. And sometimes, adult intervention is exactly what's needed.

But before we jump into action, it's important to understand what's happening.

As an early childhood educator and Montessori teacher, I've seen how much friendships matter to young children. Feeling included, welcomed, and connected can make an enormous difference to a child's experience of school. I've also seen how children need support learning the social skills that help friendships develop.

Our job isn't to make sure every child always wants to play with our child. It's to help children build healthy relationships while making sure they're treated with kindness and respect.

Here's where to begin.

1. Is Your Child Being Bullied or Experiencing Friendship Difficulties?

Not every disagreement, rejection, or unkind moment is bullying. Young children are still learning how to communicate, negotiate, share, and manage emotions. A four-year-old might tell another child, "You can't play with us!" because they're struggling to manage a game or don't yet know how to include another person. That doesn't make the behaviour acceptable, but it doesn't automatically mean the child is bullying someone.

Bullying generally involves unwanted aggressive behaviour, a real or perceived power imbalance, and behaviour that is repeated or likely to be repeated. According to StopBullying.gov, in preschool and early elementary settings adults may also see repeated exclusion, teasing, or intimidation that requires attention even when it doesn't fit a formal definition.

Everyday friendship difficulties might include:

• Two children wanting to play different games.
• A disagreement over a toy.
• One child choosing to play alone.
• A child saying no to a play invitation.
• A friendship changing over time.

More concerning patterns might include:

• Repeatedly excluding the same child to hurt or control them.
• Encouraging other children not to play with someone.
• Persistent name-calling or humiliation.
• Threatening, intimidating, or physically hurting another child.
• Using social influence or power to isolate a peer.

Look for patterns, understand the context, and consider how the behaviour is affecting your child. And remember: a child doesn't need to meet a formal definition of bullying to deserve help.

2. Listen Before You Try to Fix It

When your child says, "Nobody likes me," it's tempting to immediately reassure them. "Of course people like you!" "That's not true!" "Just find someone else to play with." But before offering solutions, give your child space to explain.

Try: "That sounds really upsetting. What happened?" Or: "Tell me about lunchtime today."

Listen without interrupting or jumping to conclusions. Young children don't always have the language to describe complicated social situations. They might say "Everyone was mean" when they're referring to one particular interaction. Ask gentle, open-ended questions: who was there, what were you playing, what happened next, has this happened before, was there an adult nearby.

Avoid turning the conversation into an interrogation. Sometimes children will share more while drawing, walking, building blocks, or sitting beside you in the car. And if they don't want to talk immediately, let them know you're available: "I'm here whenever you want to tell me more."

The first goal is to help your child feel heard and supported.

3. What to Say When Your Child Feels Left Out

Children need to know that their feelings matter. You might say: "I can understand why you felt sad." "It hurts when you want to join a game and someone says no." "You deserve to be treated kindly."

It's also important to explain that friendships involve choices. We can't make someone be our friend. And children don't have to include everyone in every activity at every moment. But we can expect people to treat one another respectfully.

You might explain: "Sometimes someone wants to play with a different friend, and that's okay. But it's not okay to be cruel or deliberately hurt someone's feelings." This distinction helps children understand the difference between disappointment and mistreatment.

Avoid telling your child they should simply ignore repeated unkindness or toughen up. Instead, remind them that asking an adult for help is a sensible and brave thing to do.

If your child is also working on building friendship confidence more generally, the strategies in How to Help a Shy Child Make Friends can complement what you're doing here.

4. Seven Practical Ways to Help a Child Who Is Being Left Out

1. Practise Joining a Game

Sometimes children want to join a group but aren't sure how. Use stuffed animals or toy figures to practise. Pretend two toys are building a tower and a third wants to join. Help your child try phrases such as: "Can I play too?" "What are you building?" "Can I help?" You can also practise what to do if the answer is no: "Okay, I'll find another game." The goal isn't to guarantee acceptance. It's to give your child confidence and options.

2. Help Your Child Find One Connection

Your child doesn't need a large group of friends. One kind, dependable friendship can make a real difference. Ask your child's teacher whether there's someone they enjoy playing alongside. Arrange a short playdate or encourage opportunities for shared activities. Friendships often develop more naturally in small, relaxed settings than in large groups.

3. Teach Children to Recognize Kind Friendships

Talk about what makes someone a good friend. You might ask: "How do you feel when someone is kind to you?" "What does a good friend do?" "How can you tell when someone wants to play?" Help your child notice qualities such as kindness, respect, listening, and taking turns. It's also worth teaching children that a good friend doesn't always agree with them. Healthy friendships include differences of opinion, boundaries, and occasional disagreements.

4. Practise Speaking Up

Children can learn simple, confident phrases for situations where someone is being unkind: "Please stop." "I don't like that." "That's not kind." "I'm going to tell a teacher." Practise these phrases through role-play when your child feels calm and safe. However, don't expect a young child to confront someone who is intimidating or repeatedly hurting them. In those situations, adult support is essential.

5. Create Opportunities for Cooperative Play

Activities that involve working toward a shared goal can help children develop connections. Try building a tower together, making a pretend restaurant, creating a mural, or completing a simple treasure hunt. These activities encourage communication, negotiation, and teamwork, and give children something to focus on beyond the pressure of making conversation.

6. Build Confidence Outside Friendships

When a child feels rejected, it's important to remind them that their worth isn't determined by who wants to play with them. Create opportunities for them to experience success and independence. Let them help prepare dinner, learn a new skill, care for a plant, or complete a challenging puzzle. Notice their effort and persistence: "You worked really hard on that." "You kept trying even when it was difficult." Confidence grows through many different experiences, not just social approval.

7. Keep Communication Open

Make conversations about friendships a normal part of family life. Instead of only asking, "Did you have a good day?" try: "Who did you enjoy playing with today?" "Did anything tricky happen with your friends?" "Did you help someone today?" These questions invite children to share both positive and difficult experiences. Over time, they help establish that friendship problems are something your child can talk to you about.

5. When Should You Speak to Your Child's Teacher?

If your child describes repeated exclusion, bullying, threats, or physical aggression, don't wait for them to resolve the situation independently. Contact their teacher.

You might say: "My child has mentioned several occasions when they've been excluded from games, and they're becoming upset about coming to school. I'd love to understand what you're seeing and how we can support them."

Try to approach the conversation with curiosity rather than accusations. Teachers may have observed interactions that provide important context. Useful questions include: Have you noticed any patterns of exclusion? Who does my child usually play with? Are there particular times of day when problems occur? How are adults supporting children during these interactions? What steps can we take together, and when should we check in again?

If the behaviour involves repeated targeting or intimidation, ask what the school will do to keep your child safe and address the behaviour. For serious or ongoing concerns, document what your child reports, including dates and relevant details, and follow the school's reporting procedures. Avoid confronting another child directly or encouraging your child to retaliate.

6. What If Your Child Is the One Excluding Others?

This can be an uncomfortable situation for parents. Perhaps a teacher tells you that your child has repeatedly told another child they can't join a game. Or you overhear your child saying: "You're not my friend anymore!"

Resist the urge to immediately label your child as mean. Instead, treat the situation as an opportunity to teach. Start by understanding what happened. Then help your child consider the other person's experience: "How do you think they felt when everyone ran away?"

Teach alternative ways to communicate boundaries: "We're playing this game right now, but we can play together later." Or: "I'd like some time to play with just one friend." Children are allowed to choose their friends and set boundaries. What they need to learn is how to do that without deliberately humiliating, threatening, or hurting others.

If the exclusion is repeated or targeted, work with the teacher on a consistent plan to stop the behaviour and practise more respectful interactions.

Kindness isn't something children automatically know how to demonstrate in every situation. It's something we model, teach, and practise.

7. When Does Your Child Need More Support?

Friendship difficulties are a normal part of growing up, but ongoing exclusion or bullying can have a significant impact on a child's wellbeing. Pay attention if your child regularly refuses or becomes distressed about attending school, frequently complains of stomachaches or headaches before school, experiences noticeable changes in sleep or appetite, becomes unusually withdrawn, anxious, or irritable, repeatedly describes feeling worthless or unwanted, or has unexplained injuries or reports threats or physical aggression.

These signs don't necessarily mean bullying is occurring, but they do deserve attention. Speak with your child's teacher and pediatrician to explore what might be happening. If your child is being threatened, physically harmed, or is unsafe at school, seek immediate intervention from the school.

And if your child expresses thoughts about wanting to die or hurt themselves, take those statements seriously and seek urgent professional support. Children should never be expected to manage repeated bullying alone.

What Little Dude Can Teach Children About Belonging

One of the most meaningful things I've learned from working with my therapy dog, Little Dude, is how naturally animals can help children practise important social skills. When children meet Little Dude, we talk about approaching gently, noticing body language, respecting personal space, and waiting patiently.

These lessons translate beautifully into friendships. Children learn to notice when someone wants to join in. They learn that other people have feelings and boundaries. And they discover that kindness isn't just about saying nice words. It's about how we make others feel through our actions.

These are the everyday skills we can practise long before a friendship problem arises.

Frequently Asked Questions

Every Child Deserves to Feel They Belong

We can't protect our children from every disagreement, disappointment, or difficult friendship. And we shouldn't try to. Learning to navigate relationships is an important part of growing up.

But there's a difference between allowing children to experience everyday social challenges and leaving them to manage repeated cruelty or exclusion without support. Our job is to listen, guide, model kindness, and step in when necessary.

It's also to remind our children that their value isn't determined by whether they're invited to every game, birthday party, or friendship group.

One kind friend can make an enormous difference to a child's day. And one caring adult can make sure a child doesn't feel alone.