Helping Kids Build Resilience: 10 Strategies to Teach Perseverance
We’ve all seen it—a child attempts to zip their jacket, gets stuck halfway, and bursts into frustrated tears. Or they struggle to draw a perfect star, then crumple the paper and declare, “I can’t do it!” These moments are part of growing up—and part of teaching and parenting.
The urge to give up in the face of difficulty is natural, especially when children are still learning how to manage frustration. But what if we could teach them that trying again is a normal, even empowering part of the process?
Resilience: the ability to bounce back from difficulty and keep going—is a core life skill. And like reading or riding a bike, it can be taught, modeled, and practiced. Below are ten emotionally intelligent strategies that help children develop perseverance without lectures or eye rolls. These tools are rooted in warmth, connection, and everyday life—because that’s where the real learning happens.
Why Resilience Matters (and Why It’s Hard for Kids)
In early childhood, emotional regulation, impulse control, and abstract thinking continue to develop. This is why kids often have big reactions to small frustrations. Research shows that resilience is shaped not just by personality, but by experiences and relationships that nurture emotional safety and persistence. According to Walsh (2015), resilient children aren’t born—they’re supported.
- Normalize Struggle with Real-Life Stories
Let children know failure is part of learning. Share times you struggled and kept going: “It took me weeks to whistle, but I kept trying!” Create traditions like Failure Fridays, where everyone shares something they failed at—but kept trying.
- Use Emotionally Supportive Language
Avoid phrases like “Try harder.” Instead, say:
- “It’s okay to feel frustrated—let’s take a breath.”
- “You’re not there yet, but you’re getting closer.”
- “What part felt tricky to you?”
This validation builds emotional safety, especially for sensitive kids.
- Offer Low-Stakes Opportunities to Try Again
Encourage resilience during play or chores. Let kids make mistakes and discover new approaches. Celebrate the effort, not the outcome:
“Wow, I saw you try that three times—that’s perseverance!”
- Create a “Yet” Culture at Home or School
Help reframe fixed mindsets. When kids say, “I can’t do it,” respond with “…yet.”
Try:
- “You haven’t figured it out yet.”
- “You’re still learning that.”
Use sticky notes, posters, or a classroom mantra to reinforce this mindset shift.
- Teach Simple Emotional Regulation Tools
Children persist better when calm. Introduce strategies like:
- Deep breathing (“Smell the flower, blow out the candle”)
- Naming feelings
- Taking a break and trying again
Create a calm-down kit with sensory items or a feelings chart to support emotional awareness.
6. Break Tasks into Small, Achievable Steps
Overwhelm kills motivation. Help kids tackle big tasks by breaking them down:
“Let’s just write the first word together.”
This is especially helpful for neurodiverse children. Visual checklists can support attention and build confidence.
7. Celebrate Effort, Not Just Outcomes
Shift praise away from perfection and toward persistence.
“You didn’t give up, even when it was hard!”
This builds internal motivation and reduces fear of failure.
8. Use Playful Games to Practice Perseverance
Make resilience fun. Use puppets to model trying again. Turn Jenga or obstacle courses into lessons about persistence:
“The tower fell—should we give up or try a new way?”
Play normalizes the trial-and-error process without added pressure.
9. Let Kids Set Their Own Goals
Kids are more motivated when they feel ownership. Ask:
- “What’s something you want to work on?”
- “How many times should we practice tying your shoes this week?”
This builds autonomy and persistence.
10. Repair After Ruptures
Sometimes, trying again comes after a meltdown. Return with connection:
“That was tough. I’m here. Let’s talk and try again.”
Use drawing or storytelling to process what happened. These moments strengthen emotional literacy and reinforce resilience through the process of relational repair.
When Kids Still Resist: What Not to Do
Avoid:
- Punishing for giving up
- Shaming mistakes
- Comparing to others
Instead, focus on connection, co-regulation, and curiosity. Emotional safety always comes before progress.
The Brain Science Behind Resilience
Resilience isn’t just a mindset—it’s a developmental process. According to the Harvard Center on the Developing Child, repeated positive experiences—like a trusted adult encouraging a retry—literally reshape the brain. These interactions build neural connections that strengthen self-regulation, focus, and emotional control. Even a simple phrase like “Let’s try a different way together” wires the brain for resilience.
The Long-Term Power of Tiny Tries
Helping children build resilience doesn’t require perfection. It happens in the everyday: the story you share, the breath you model, the second chance you offer.
Each time we guide a child to try again—not with pressure, but with patience—we plant the seeds for a future where they believe in their own strength. And that belief may just be the most important thing they carry with them.
👉Explore the humanKIND Curriculum here.
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